Expect the Unexpected

As a new and unexpected expense cropped up a few nights ago, it reminded me once again about the many articles last year about how so many Americans would not be able to come up with a few hundred or few thousand bucks in a pinch.

Not to scoff at them, but I pointed out to my wife that I cannot recall a month going by when we did not incur at least a few hundred bucks of “unexpected” expenses.  If we have one month without one, then we’ll get two the next month. 

As I have previously alluded to, my area of true expertise and the day job that I have had for many years that puts a roof over my family’s head and food on our table is serving as a municipal economic development official.

I do not know how my profession sounds to you, but I suppose that it depends on the viewpoint of the reader.  To a successful business owner, investor, developer or executive, I suppose it sounds like being a government hack loser bound by bureaucracy.  That would not be too far off.  Today I feel kind of like that and have had a few setbacks of late on my development-related endeavors.

To others, it might sound like an interesting and steady profession where one can make a major impact on development projects and improving the quality of life for residents of the area that employs you.  I suppose that after having a few good work days here and there and when I Pay Myself First on a pay-day without having to scrounge up my next gig or temp assignment, I may feel that way for a while.  When I pose for a photo with elected officials and business owners for a ribbon cutting, it feels okay even though I know that is just the little bit of extra frosting on a cake that was years in the making.

Due to this being my profession, I attended a Board meeting this week during which a developer that I have nearly single-handedly delivered on a silver platter to our community got beaten up pretty well.  Almost to the point of withdrawing the project after having worked with me on it for the past four months.  For future posterity and my own reference, since I work on so many projects that I may not recall this one a year or two from now, it is a Transit-Oriented Development (TOD) project involving a high-end apartment project with forty-one units.

Upon leaving the meeting at about a quarter past eight, I was surprised to see that my son had called me on my cell phone during the meeting.  Because that may be only the fourth of fifth time that he has communicated with me in that manner, I was a bit alarmed.  He is nineteen years old and communicates by messaging my wife, his mother, via Facebook (for Facebook to track forever and ever) or calls us on our house phone that I would prefer to get rid of.

I thought that he might be in trouble or feeling sick and wanted me to come pick him up although I am sure he would have called or messaged his mother first.  Perhaps he could not reach her.  I just did not know.

When he failed to pick up, I was further alarmed and then tried to call my wife, who also did not pick up.

At that point, I was wondering what was going on and alarm started setting in.

A minute after neither my wife or daughter picked up our house phone, my son called back.  I asked if he is okay, which he assured me he was.

What he told me was that, as our family’s “money guy,” he wanted to purchase a specific instrument that he had found online at a great discount of “only” $1,200 and would me and his mother help him with the purchase.

I asked if he had already asked his mother and he told me that she told him to call me.  Fair enough.

I told him that the short answer is “yes, of course,” but that I only had forty-nine percent of a working brain and that I had to consult with the fifty-one percent of it, which he appreciated.

I need to back up here for a moment.

A question such as my son’s could be answered in several different ways depending on one’s wealth and/or income, class status, philosophy and many other factors.  I thought about that for a while and thought it worth sharing.  Perhaps you could share how you would react to this, or if you could for that matter.

My Brother’s and Best Friend’s Reply

My brother is growing his own successful law firm and is generous to a fault.  He would not only give you the shirt off of his back if you asked, he would give you his entire suit and all the cash in his wallet, too.  I do not consider this a fault, by the way.  I consider generosity to be a great virtue.

My best friend is not very generous at all.  I obviously like him, but I doubt that he would give a starving mother begging on the sidewalk with a baby one dollar if he had a thousand in his wallet.  He views money similar to playing Monopoly.  A great guy of Irish Catholic descent, he was born into and raised with money and still has it, thus he views it as a birthright and thinks about it in a completely different way than I do.  

While I save diligently for college, he has not saved a dime for his son, an only child.  However, having been deeded a house worth about $700,000 and having solid employment with Blue Cross/Blue Shield in the IT Department and with a wife who works, he told me once that his plan is just to “pay for it” or perhaps his mother will.  Half-jokingly, he told me that he and his wife discourage their son from succeeding too much in academics so he does not wind up at Northwestern, U of I or an even more expensive school.

I am sure that my buddy’s son will do just fine financially and will most likely continue my friend’s upper middle class status and lifestyle.

Both my brother and best friend would tell their son, “No worries, I’ll buy you the instrument.”

My One Brother-In-Law

My sister and her husband live an enviable lifestyle and own a lovely home in Uptown New Orleans.  Obviously, my younger sister was raised with the same socioeconomic status that I was, and the same liberal, inclusive and charitable philosophies were imparted to her as they were to me, as was a stress on bettering oneself through education.

Her husband grew up in Louisiana in a dysfunctional family and essentially moved out onto his own around the age of sixteen.  He applied to, was accepted to and attended a private school that provided him a generous scholarship to attend.  From there, he earned his way into Northwestern University, where he met my sister while on Junior year abroad in France.  He worked his way through NU through a combination of waiting tables at Chicago restaurants and academic scholarships.

He has since worked his way through two graduate school programs, all while working his way up from first being a teacher, second being a school principal and now being a successful educational software consultant.  He worked his way up from a working class rural Louisiana upbringing to an upper middle class lifestyle and a million dollar home in one of the most up-and-coming neighborhoods in America.  Not to mention a great wife (my sister) and two lovely daughters.

This brother-in-law, whom I hold in high regard, would tell my nineteen-year-old son, "If you want this instrument, go ahead and buy it."

Our son does not have employment, but I defend that by noting how hard he works at school.  He has made the Dean's list in each of his first three semesters and is able to attend this private college by receiving and maintaining a Presidential scholarship worth $22,000 per year.  He does have a fair amount of money in a savings account, mostly funded by gifts on birthdays and Christmas and mostly by one person, my father-in-law.

My sister and her husband have the $1,200 many times over, but they would give the answer that so many successful self-made people would give and have been given, themselves.  "If you want it, then you must earn it yourself."

My Other Brother-In-Law

My wife's brother is blue collar working class all the way.  When I write about working class folks, he and his wife are among the people who I am thinking of.  We are not very close with them, but we obviously know them well.

Quite simply put, my brother-in-law and his wife have no way to possibly contribute to a musical instrument of this cost.  Furthermore, they have never financially contributed in any way that we are aware of to their only child's education or nurturing.  No music lessons, no sports teams, no academic or social clubs.  Nada.  Nunca.

They are simply just striving to survive month-to-month and they also were two more of the votes that helped put Trump over the top in Wisconsin, where they live in a rural area not far from the nice area where they both grew up.  We heard, via my father-in-law, that my wife's brother had major engine problems that set him back this month and that he is struggling to pay for the car repair.

I do not want to sound condescending or make too much of this, but when a married couple struggles to pay their rent every month, argues incessantly, spends more on beer than on books and have not completed a college course between them, what can you expect?  They could no more buy their son a $1,200 instrument than I could buy mine a new Lexus SUV.

My other brother-in-law could not help his son purchase an instrument, although his son does not play one and would know better than to ask for financial assistance if he did.

My Answer

Because of a combination of factors that make me and my family who we are, I was going to find some middle ground between purchasing yet another instrument for my son and telling him that, if he wants another one, then it is on him.  My wife and I have spent thousands of dollars on instruments for our children and are set to spend about three more for a new trombone for our daughter in the next few weeks.

I called my wife, told her that I had first thought of offering to kick in three hundred and have our son pay nine hundred, but then I thought that too cheap on our end.  I asked her what she thought of us donating four hundred and him paying eight, which she agreed is a good percentage.

Me being Jewish and her not, I did add that I did not want to seem too cheap.  Because of this unfortunate and (mostly) untrue characterization of my race, I always strive not to be cheap if possible.

She assured me that our contribution is not too cheap, so I called my son and relayed our offer to contribute $400 to what will be his fourth or fifth instrument.  I can't keep track.

My wife was entering her credit card number into the PC when I got home, purchasing a used instrument from New Jersey for about $1,100 (it was a bit less than he told me), and FedEx will be delivering it in the next day or two.

Expect the Unexpected

Charging an extra $400 this week was not expected.  Although the charge to my wife's credit card is over $1,100, anything over our contribution will be transferred from our son's account.  In a few months, it will add another grand out more than in when our financial tally is done.

But that unexpected cost is a great pleasure compared to the other one that I just paid.  After all, our son will be using this instrument for years to come and, push come to shove, he told me that comparable instruments sell for around two grand.  Unlike cars, high-quality used instruments, especially ones no longer in production, hold or increase their value over the years.

My other unexpected cost was eight days ago and was my bad luck on Friday the 13th.  I have been driving around with my notice to take my old clunker Chrysler minivan through Illinois emissions for a few months.  I always have something better to do and figure that "I'll do it next week."

My check engine light lit up on Friday the 13th.

Well, this past week was the week that I was actually going to do it.  Going the last few days of the month is crazy and can take hours.

Well, surprise surprise!  While pulling into the parking lot at my place of work on Friday the 13th, the check engine light went on.  Ironically, the old clunker had just passed the 100,000 mile mark that day.

It should not be unexpected because the car does not run that smoothly, but why oh why could the light not have come on a week or two after passing emissions?  Many of you readers might not even know what I am writing about, but in Illinois, one's vehicle must pass an emissions test to renew your license plate if you live within one of ten counties in the Chicago metropolitan area.

$343 spent at Car-X on Friday the 20th got the light turned off.

Long story short, after paying Car-X $343 for a new thermostat and coolant flush and after renting a car from Enterprise for a day for an additional $90 while it was in the shop, my minivan should be ready to pass emissions this next week.  I was told to drive it for a few days and then will return to Car-X for them to reset the computer before I proceed to the testing center.

Another unexpected $450 out of our family's funds.

Oh well, not that I was getting ready to get another new-to-me car, but now I am planning on nursing the minivan through another year. 

The moral of this story, if there is one, is that I have continued to expect the unexpected.  I have written this before and I have thought it before too many times to count.

Rather than lament the extra $900 or so that I had not expected to spend, I choose to think myself as blessed to be able to pay these things without taking it too hard.  Sure, I will look back at my family's spending a few months from now and try to understand how we spend so much when it does not seem as if we are moving forward much.

But on one of those days after surviving a difficult work day when I drive my old minivan to the town where my son attends college and hear him delighting me and the rest of the crowd with his improv solos on his new-to-him vintage flugelhorn, I won't be thinking about what it cost.